My dad taught me a lot. He was smart but you could never tell him that. He'd always laugh and say "oh no, your mom is the smart one." And some days he'd follow that with "she picked me" and would laugh. Dad was not the most intellectual person that I knew, but he was my favorite "go to" person. Dad was wise. Dad was humble. Dad lived with simple rules. Dad was a Godly man. I knew if I brought something to him, he would think it through. He would be thoughtful and intentional. He would think through consequences and he would try to be fair in representing both sides. He would fight for what was right. He would be honest but tactful. I felt confident running anything by him. And I ran most things by him. I miss having that person. I miss my dad.
I got hit a lot with things I learned from him right after he died - even the day he died. I had gone home to walk my dog and was waiting to turn. I had tears in my eyes and someone was approaching with their turn signal on. I could hear him saying "never trust a turn signal." They might have turned it on to be courteous so I could go ahead and head out - or they could be turning just past me. "Never trust a turn signal." They turned just past me.
I try to write it all down but it comes up at random times. I knew I needed to try and absorb as much as I could. Why didn't I take more time to write it down then? I am afraid of forgetting it all. I am afraid it won't get passed down. I am afraid it will get blurred and confused and mixed in with my own thoughts. I am afraid I haven't fully understood him. I am afraid I have already forgotten. So today, I decided to start getting a small portion of it down.
Dad almost didn't finish college. He went to school on the GI Bill. At one point he rode in a carpool - about an hour each way - to skip class and drink coffee. Mom didn't know that at first and would have been furious. He failed a class and had to retake it - differential equations. That failing grade was part subject, part him, and part professor. He barely passed the second time, but he passed. He talked about his buddy who helped him get motivated enough to finish school and helped pull him through. I know that buddy of his. Dad said he's one of the smartest men he's ever known. That man is still in the education system.
I don't guess I really ever asked, or at least don't remember, why my dad became a teacher. But he was gifted at it. I wanted to be just like him. Content and making a difference. He taught and coached for over 30 years. I never remember hearing him be genuinely unhappy with his job. He always told me he found his niche and I just needed to find mine too. He was well-liked and former students always made it a point to come say hi to him when we were out and about. That happened my whole life. He made a difference. Dad was easy-going and liked to joke around. He was dry and sarcastic and full of dad jokes. He wanted students to succeed, in school and in life, and tried to create an environment for that to happen.
I spent many summers helping him get his classroom ready. I watched him open up books and develop lesson plans. I remember going shopping for supplies. I wanted this in my life - how glamorous (oh the eyes of a child). I remember the chalk board, the posters, the thumbtacks, and the sticky-tack. I remember the overhead projector. I remember when he was upgraded to a dry erase board. I remember making copies in the break room. I remember his ties and his very specific pleated pants. He wore a lot of Dockers. I remember him bringing me home slime on slime day each year. I remember "kids prefer candy over fresh green spinach." I remember the bicycle squeakers he had the students use to "buzz in" while studying for his tests - it was a game. I remember picking out different kinds of toilet paper for an experiment. I remember Bunsen burners and graduated cylinders. I remember saying "it's bowlin' over" when trying to grow crystals out of gelatin for the science fair. In my panic, I said "bowlin" instead of "boiling" and I was teased for years to come. I remember my project on static electricity. I remember being with my dad and him being involved.
So here's a list I have compiled from my dad on tips for being successful in school. Obviously it's not all-inclusive, but it's what I remember so far.
1. As my nephew started to become an avid reader, I would hear my dad say over and over again how much reading was a predictor of success in school. He kept saying how important it is for a kid to read, read, read. Before that, they need someone to read to them. This always struck me as somewhat peculiar. Not that I disagreed, but I hadn't remembered him particularly pushing reading. He wasn't one of those men constantly surrounded by a stack of books. But when he said it, I knew he meant it.
2. The second quality I heard on repeat from my dad was for students to just get involved in something.
"It doesn't have to be sports, but it needs to be something." - Dad
It gives kids something to do with their time, their hands, and their minds. It provides structure and discipline. It teaches social skills. It helps develop self esteem. Being involved helps a kid become more well-rounded. And being involved isn't just for the kids. Parents must be involved in their kid's life.
3. Dad was big on choosing friends wisely and this starts young! He knew the role that friends have in our lives. Just as important - parents knowing who their kids hang out with. Influence, decision making, peer pressure, role models, connection, etc. The list goes on and on about why it is so important to be careful who surrounds us and who surrounds kids.
4. Show up. Dad always seemed to emphasize the importance of just showing up. He didn't say the words. He showed it in action. He tried to show up for everything he could. When I used to think "people don't actually care if I am there", he would show up anyway. I would go because he was going. And after he died, I heard people talk about how Dad showed up for them - at weddings, at showers, at visitations. I now try to get out of my head and show up - even if I think someone won't care.
5. Do the work. There is stuff we just don't want to do. There are assignments that seem dumb. There is busywork. Etc. He would say "sometimes, you're just getting tested on your ability to do the work." And when you think about it, how true. How many people decide to just not do the work? I know I took the time to do the work - and had big supporters along the way - mom and dad - and the right friends.
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